I Must Be a Terrible Mom

I am not looking for warm fuzzies, kudos or props here. It's plain and simple: not ONE OTHER PERSON I know of has posted even one child disaster that comes anywhere near to ANY of the ones I have had- in the last few weeks alone! And this one takes the cake. I realized a pattern with the beard trimmer (remember Gavin's reversed mohawk?), the flour, the Pam Baking Spray (twice- didn't show you those!), the shaving cream (also not pictured), the sugar, the toothpaste (again, not repetition is not worth documentation) and the countless boxes/bags of cereal spread throughout the house- those all happened the minute I turned my back, or left the room. Give them a little and they'll make you regret it, right? Not today.

I am IN the kitchen cleaning out cupboards- you know, sorting through expired food, getting rid of things I don't use, etc., and Gavin takes an interest in the boxes of food coloring. Twice I told him NO as he climbed onto the counter and pulled it from the cupboard. He even spent a good amount of time in the corner for just such behavior. Case dropped, right? Wrong! Minutes later, still in the kitchen, I am on the phone with my mom (finding out what food is still useful and what needs to be thrown away), when Tristan walks up to me from the other room COVERED in blood. Or so I thought. Mouth, nose, clothes, hands...I was sure there was a gaping wound somewhere causing the immense amount of color! Wondering what Gavin could have done to injure him in this way (seeing as there was no screaming involved), I see Tristan lick his fingers and say "Mess, Mommy..Mess!". WAIT A SECOND...and then he turns around and I see red drops SQUIRTED all down his back. The results of what could only be a one way "water fight" with the red food coloring. (Sorry, I was not in a position to snap pictures at this time.)

Stomach sinking to the floor, I walk into the family room to survey the damage- secretly hoping that Tristan had taken the full extent of it. Right SMACK in the middle of the carpet (the boys had been playing in a blanket fort most of the morning, so this was right out in front of their "fort") was a 12"X12" blotch of red, yellow, green and mostly blue food coloring. Even worse, next to this blotch lay three empty bottles of food coloring. Empty meaning this blotch was SATURATED! (Seriously, the pictures don't even come CLOSE.) And in the fort, to no surprise, was Gavin- covered in green food coloring (Now that I think about it, Tristan must have held his own- although, my fear is that they were both actually trying to drink the food coloring instead of fight with it, and I don't even want to know what that is going to mean for their systems.)


Pictures being the last thing on my mind at the time, I ripped their clothes off, threw them in the bath, and called Andrew. Now I should have been crying at this point, but I was too furious to even consider the option. The only advice anyone could give was to look on the internet and experiment- it could'nt get worse right? Wrong. Here is a list of things listed on the internet that DO NOT WORK!

1. Vinegar- helps a little, but unless you have GALLONS it isn't going to do the job alone.
2. Peanut Butter- yeah, genius who came up with that one is not one of my favorite people.
3. Vinegar AND Peanut Butter- don't get me started.
4. Dish Soap- used in too large a quantity creates a colorful/bubbly mess of it's own.
5. Laundry Soap- again, soap is too hard to handle.
6. Carpet Cleaner- again, not enough and too much to wipe up.




So what did work? 2 bottles of vinegar, 20+ GALLONS of boiling water, a steam cleaner, and even more patience. Oh, and just a note, that 12"X12" square turned into a 6'X6' blurr of color before I was done (there were miniscule drops of color that must have splashed as they were dumping. You can imagine the smearing.) Gallon by gallon and four hours later, I finally have my carpet back to normal.

(This picture is AFTER blotting out all the color with a dry cloth. Imagine what happened once I started adding water! The camera wouldn't capture the color at that point.)

Oh, and it turns out that 1 1/2 hours in the tub cured the food coloring stains from the boys skin!) Don't even judge, I am already giving you that I am a terrible mom and I can only deal with one mess at a time. Speaking of, I now have to figure out how to deal with the pile of stained clothing (and the food coloring stains that, even after all that, are permanently on my hands).


So, needless to say, hours later as my boys are clean, sleeping soundly in their beds, I am having my cry. Their is no other explaination, I really must not be a very good mom. Good cleaner, though- I'll give you that.